|Posted on March 8, 2010 at 6:12 PM|
One of my goals for 2010 -- besides just making it through with family, home, and career in tact. Thanks, recession! -- is to read the Bible through from cover to cover. I've been trying to create a routine where I carve out about 20 minutes each evening after I put Lauryn to bed where I can sit on the couch, put on some quiet music, and read. (Dana enjoys the time to work on her Grail-like quest of trying to download every coupon known to the Internet.)
I've just made it through the book of Judges which has the account of Samson (chapters 14-16). Among his exploits -- tearing a lion in twain with his bare hands, burning down a village by tying torches to fox's tails, and killing a 1000 men with "a moist jawbone of a male ass" -- you get a pretty fair nsight into the mind which is Samson. And that insight is, he's either a perfect member for the Heroes team on Survivor or a shoe-in to replace the Hulk.
In Survivor Heroes, you have a ton of strong, virile guys who can't solve a puzzle to save their lives. So far, their SOP has been building up a giant lead in the physical portion of the challenge -- running, rowing, rolling a ball -- then watching that lead slowly evaporate as it comes down to solving a puzzle. "Put it there!" "No, there!" "Shut up! Only one person talk!" There is also the constant, year-after-year theme of guys being duped by women. (Can I once again take this moment to celebrate the fact that Cirie was voted out? Yes? Sweet....) The Samson equivalent was Delilah (who I picture as Parvati) repeatedly trying to sell him out for 1100 silver pieces (or a million in Surrvivor terms) and Samson (who I picture as Rupert) not catching on. Deliliah so much as says "Samson, how do you get your great strength and -- more importantly -- how could someone, you know, hypothetically, defeat you? Just wondering." She asks him this four times, each time trying to ambush him. Samsung, you so stupid! You just know Boston Rob would have said "Yo, Delila, I'm here to win dis thing, and you're no Ambah."
But then there's the Hulk Smash! portion of him as well. When things don't go Sam's way, reason immediately gives way to rage. A giant, green, muscle-vein bulging rage. Samson makes a bet over who can solve a riddle, the winner getting 30 articles of clothing. His wife tricks him into revealing the answer to the riddle (yes, I see the Survivor element here as well), so Samson goes all Hulk on the village, killing everyone and stripping the dead bodies of their clothes to pay the bet. Shortly after, Samson utters this piece of Hulk-ness. "If you do like this, there is nothing but for me to avenge myslef upon you, and afterward I shall quit." That quote is followed by the phrase "and he went smiting them, piling legs upon thigs with a great slaughter." Don't make him angry.....you won't like him when he's angry.