Shopping Cart
Your Cart is Empty
There was an error with PayPalClick here to try again
CelebrateThank you for your business!You should be receiving an order confirmation from Paypal shortly.Exit Shopping Cart

John Sciacca Writes...

Features, Reviews and a Blog by John Sciacca

Random Thoughts (Blog)

Random Thoughts (Blog)

Survivor: One World - I'm No Dummy

Posted on April 20, 2012 at 12:20 AM

Previously on Survivor…(Go Out With a Bang)

There’s a ton of bad news and foreshadowing for Jay throughout this ep starting with him saying, “I dreamed I got shot. I was about to get capped again and I woke up.” We get another DIY challenge this time in the form of randomly dividing into two teams and throwing a rope bola around some pegs. On top of no Probst, we have to endure “Troyzan Probst” hosting, and it is not for the better. The Red Team of Troy, Jay, Tarzan, Kat and Alicia win 6 to 1 and go off to get hammered on a private island on rum. Jay is suspicious that the girls are playing tricks and says, “There’s definitely going to be some blindsides coming up. I just hope that it’s not me…” The girls decide that they need to vote off the strong guys – Jay or Troyzan – and this bothers Chelsea who has looked them both in the eye and made deals with them. Sabrina says it’s time to “put on your big girl panties and make a big girl decision.” We get to the immunity challenge and it is an endurance challenge where you have to…And Tarzan is out! A challenge where you have to….And Christina is out! Damn! You have to hold your arm up over your head which is attached to a rope, drop your arm, a bucket of colored water falls on your head and you’re out. Meanwhile Probst is going to tempt you with food. Lots of quitting for food, including Jay who quit for what will potentially be million dollar chicken wings and beer. It finally gets down to Chelsea and Leif and Chelsea talks Leif into quitting and she wins immunity! Back at camp, Chelsea decides that she loves money, so now she’s on the trolley of voting off one of the guys. Troyzan digs up his idol and tells Jay he’s playing it and that they need to make a play against Kim. Jay tells Troyzan that he’s just being paranoid and crazy and they need to stick to the plan and vote off Alicia. Then Jay totally blows it and goes and actually tells Kim that Troyzan is going to play his idol. We cut to Tribal and see that Tarzan is bizarrely wearing one of Monica Culpepper’s blouse. Troyzan does play his idol -- “Jeff, some of the dumbest moves in Survivor history have been made when people go out and has this in their pocket and that’s not gonna be me. I’m not gonna join that group.” – and the votes are all over the map. Troy, Troy, Kim, Jay, Alicia, Jay, Alicia, Jay….and the third member of the jury is Jay. Now nine players remain…

Night 25…

Back at camp Sabrina announces, “Troy I knew you had that idol!” She then adds, “It is what it is. Nothing personal…”

Christina then lamely puts out, “Take it as a compliment.”

Troyzan responds to Christina, “You weren’t going to vote any other way? Correct…?”

Christina says she was gonna go with whatever was the initial plan. They start going back and forth about the vote and Troyzan starts raising his voice a bit and then a shocking twist develops. A twist of totally unforeseen, Usual Suspects “who is Keyser Soze?” level shock: Alicia comes to Christina’s defense.

This world has totally gone topsy-turvy. Up is down. Right is wrong. And black is white. Alicia then says, “Troy is definitely digging himself in a bigger hole.” This was, I believe, the same comment she used for Christina back when she was Queen Colton’s right hand tool in his SS faction and in charge of administering cruelty and evility around camp.

Troy says he’s pissed off right now. And when he gets pissed off he gets fired up. And when he gets fired up, he’s gonna win every damn immunity challenge out here! He could give a crap about those people and this is no team. There’s no team anymore. It’s Troyzan versus everybody else.

Troyzan then starts lobbying with Chelsea. “Listen, you know, it’s really not fair that there are three or four people that just, to me, I feel like I should be here before they should go. I feel like, what the hell are they, they don’t even know what they’re doing here.” That’s actually what he SAID. I’m pretty sure that he MEANT that there are three or four people that should go home before him not 3 or four that should stay ahead of him. Or maybe he feels like he’s really the number 4 or 5 best player. It’s tough to say.  

Chelsea tells him “It’s just a game” and that he needs to just take it like a man. Like Jonas. He took it like a man. He worked his ass off here every single day, he made deconstructed coconut ocean chips and he deserved to be here. But still, when his time came, he took it like a man.

This whole argument is ludicrous all around. On the one hand, you have the lameness of Troyzan’s “I deserve to be here” argument and on the other Chelsea’s, “Sure, but just take your voting off like a man” retort.  Look, it’s a game; you vote people out. You don’t keep strong deserving players that can beat you and you don’t expect people to go off keeping a proper British stiff upper lip. You vote them off, and they fight you. That’s Survivor rule #1. Actually it's rule #3 of Survivor Club...

Troy and Tarzan return with Tree Mail in the form of little envelope packets for everyone with their name on them. It’s a good old-fashioned Survivor auction, y’all! They all have $500. Most everyone is excited about foot, but Troyzan announces that he’s gonna spend it all to get a clue that will take him further in the game.

“Come on in, guys! Welcome to the Survivor auction!” Probst explains that “bidding is in increments of $20. You cannot pool your money and you cannot share your items. If you see something that you like, I suggest you bid on it because the auction will stop without warning!”

First item: Three donuts and an iced coffee. The girls bid it fast and furious and Chelsea gets it for $160. She then turns and says, “Thanks, Kimster,” who apparently stopped bidding so Chelsea could win. Chelsea who didn't quit last week's immunity challenge for food, so she has a meal coming to her.

Next up is chips, guacamole and a margarita on ice. Kat smells liquor and it gets into her blood.

I think that Alicia must be deathly allergic to tequila or maybe is just remembering some bad experience with a bottle of Jose Cuervo once because she holds off on bidding. Kat and Sabrina go back and forth but Sabrina bids $400 and grabs it. “Straight from Mexico,” she says of the margarita.  Actually, this is just slightly more than I paid for chips and guac at the SLS hotel in Beverly Hills, and makes three donuts and iced coffee for $160 sounds downright reasonable.

Kat announces, “Oh! I want to buy something!”

Next up is a “protein boost; this is for someone who’s looking for a little bit of energy.” It’s a protein shake and a side of bananas. Kat is all, “Eww, gross. Protein. $40.” Leif gets it for $100.

Next up is a Survivor shower with shampoo and toothbrush. Alicia bids $20. And then Kat bids $20.

Umm, wait. I mean $30. Can I bid $30? Wait. What? While Kat is braining over this conundrum, Kim bids $40 and gets it, a total deal.

Next up is a BLT, chips and a cold iced tea. Kat who has been talking about food the whole time bids back and forth with Christina and nabs it for $180. Kat walks up, sees the sandwich and says, “Yo! There’s bacon on this!” Yes. Bacon. On a BLT. We’re as shocked as you Kat. And that’s why we love you. Also, they have the Internet on computers now. We live in a strange, awesome world!

Jeff anticipates a bidding war on the next item; a big bowl of peanut butter and some chocolate bars. Alicia says $20 and Kim shouts, “$200!” from the shower. She’s bidding up against Alicia, but jumps out of the shower, wraps a towel around herself, says “$240!” and strolls over and grabs the bowl of peanut butter and then sashays back into the shower to eat. That’s how you do it.

Kim hops back into the shower and says, “Don’t hate me because I’m eating this peanut butter in the shower!”

Jeff comments that Tarzan hasn’t even thought about bidding on anything yet. Tarzan announces that this $500 is going to pay to fix the shocks on his Jeep. Probst asks if he is putting him on and Alicia says, “Nooo. He’s dead serious.” Clearly this has been a topic of discussion. Then Tarzan says that he’s been saving for three months to get his shocks fixed and this money does it. 


Whoa, whoa, WHOA! Wait just a gall-darned minute here! Aren’t you a DOCTOR?! And not just a doctor but A SURGEON?! A PLASTIC SURGEON?! Who people ELECT to go to and pay large sums of money?! And you’ve been waiting months to be able to afford to fix your shocks?!

Next up is letters from home. “$500!” Alicia announces and Jeff calls this item sold. Kat says, “Oh, someone even wrote me?” Alicia apparently has a father who has never ever written her a letter previously in her life and she reads the letter aloud and starts bawling. It’s filled with things like, “preparation powers preservation” or something that he probably found in an inspirational quote book and sounds like it is all of maybe 250 words long. But she says it was worth every penny.

Note to my family: If I ever go on Survivor, I am expecting a frickin’ TOME of a letter. I mean like a Victor Hugo-esque “you got paid by the word” type tale of epic length. Sheets – plural – of paper. Small print.

Jeff announces that the price has been set, but that anyone else can also buy their letter for $500. Tarzan decides that car repair can wait and he buys his letter. Unlike Alicia, he doesn’t want to share. In fact we don’t even know who the letter is from. Is it possibly from an attorney on behalf of a disgruntled client, or maybe the board of plastic surgeon standards committee saying that after watching Tarzan on the show, they have decided to revoke his license to practice, or maybe it’s from the Jeep repair company and there’s something else wrong now, like axle boots and CV joints... We’ll never know.

Probst then asks Troyzan what he’s missing right now. Troyzan then breaks down and says after last night’s tribal he feels completely alone. And that knowing he has a letter there from his brother or maybe his dad encouraging him, and that it’s good but it’s just a feeling that he has to do everything on his own. Troyzan is a man that is keeping his eye on the prize and that prize is now...  

Next item is an advantage in the next immunity challenge. Troyzan immediately bids $300. This is actually surprising, because this is what Troyzan has been waiting for and he only bids $300. Anyone else – OK, Christina -- could bid straight to $500 and grab it. Troyzan KNOWS that immunity is the only thing that is going to keep him in this game, so why not go all in? (scratches head) Oh well. Christina who also has her full bankroll – who the women remind her, “Christina, you haven’t spent a dime” -- bids $360 when Jeff gets to the “Going twice…” point. They go back and forth for a bit and then Troyzan bids it to $420. They all tell Christina to bid the full $500, but she doesn’t and Troyzan gets the clue.

Again, it worked out for Troyzan, but this was bad game play. What were you going to do with $80 in your pocket? Shoot your wad! However, this could turn out to be one of the best investments in the history of EVER! Where else can you turn $500 into $1 Million? Sabrina announces, “We’re still gonna vote you off…”

Kat tired of all this chitter-chatter. “I’ve still got money left. Let’s go!” I gotta say, she sounded kinda tough and cool. Even without her Eminem hoodie. I know I pick on Kat, but, truth is, I’m really digging her. She’s fresh and funny and you feel like you see who she really is.

It’s a covered mystery item with a note attached.

Kat has a fist full of cash and it’s clear she is bidding this thing all the way to the end. She bids it to $160. Jeff pulls the top off and it is a full-on cake topped with strawberries. The note says you just bought this cake for the entire tribe and you little Survivor piggies have 60 seconds to eat as much as you can. Go! Grab, grab, grab, and gorge, gorge, gorge and with that the Survivor Auction is OVER!

Somehow there is a random skull buried in the sand. It’s, uh, symbolizing the, uh, struggle of the, uh, Survivors and the, uh…. I got nothing here. Just a random beach skull. You know, like at any beach.

Back at camp Troyzan reads his clue and we see that the advantage in the next challenge is to automatically advance to the next stage of the immunity challenge increasing his odds of winning from 1 in 9 to 1 in 4, so money well spent. Usually Survivor plays it pretty fair-and-square when it comes to buying challenge advantages, and while I’m not positive, I think that people that have purchased these advantages are close to 100% in actually winning the challenge.

Troyzan decides that he’s gonna go idol hunting and put some fear into people’s hearts and scramble ‘em a little bit. Even if he doesn’t find it, he can put the *worry* out there that he found it. He’s looking in trees, and roots, and snake holes and whatnot. And not making even 1% of an effort to be discreet about it.  

Kim is all, “Look, there is one of him and eight of us. If we ALL start looking for an idol we increase the chances of one of US finding it.”

There’s a little bit of freak out where they are all worried that Troyzan will find an idol but Kat actually steps up to be the cold, calculating, hard voice of reason. “Let’s just say that hypothetically he did find an idol. That’s OK. If he has an idol, we’ll just flush it out with the votes. So eventually he’ll be gone.” Then she says, “If he found it and he won the immunity idol then that would be two bummers, right?”

“Come on in, guys! Once again immunity is back up for grabs!”

It’s a rehash of old challenges challenge. First phase, untie a knotted rope to release a ring; first four advance to the next round. Well, first three actually, because Troy is automatically advancing. Second round is bouncing coconuts off of a trampoline to break 3 targets. (Remember this is where Colton actually succeeded in almost hitting himself and where Probst taunted Alicia for her terrible performance. First two people to break their drums will advance to the final stage of shooting coconuts at a 3x3 grid; first one to break out a tic-tac-toe three-in-a-row wins immunity. Oddly, Tarzan and Leif have painted their faces; Leif is smeared with blue and Tarzan just looks like he got into some homeless woman’s mascara and tried to make himself look like a raccoon.

Knot challenge starts off and everyone looks like they are doing well. Well, everyone except for Alicia and Leif who look like they are actually trying to tie knots back into their ropes. Tarzan takes first. I’m guessing that maybe he is used to tying sutures in breast implant saline bags or braiding his chest hair or maybe hitching sheepshanks for when he had to tow his Jeep. Something. Kim who is always a competitor takes second and Christina “knots are kinda like puzzles” takes third.

We move on to round 2, coconut bouncing, and its Tarzan who is first to connect, then Troyzan with two in a row, then Kim gets two, then Tarzan gets a second. Christina gets…none. It’s clear from the peanut gallery by the loud cheers when ANYONE but Troyzan scores that it is an 8 on 1 event. But Troyzan hits his third and goes off on a “THIS IS MY ISLAND! YOU CAN’T BEAT ME!” cheer that does not go over well with Chelsea or Sabrina. Sabrina responds, “Oh, please! Come on! Someone knock this fool out!” Tarzan connects and it we’ve got us an all 'Zan final!

Catapult challenge and both Troy and Tar connect on their first shots. Troyzan nails his second shot but it isn’t in a spot where he can tic-tac-toe and Tarzan misses. Both connect on their third round and have possibilities for winning.


Jeff actually editorializes a bit and says, “Troyzan MUST win this to stay in the game.” An interesting comment from Probst. Sure, it’s probably true, but it isn’t like Troyzan is DQ’d if he loses. I mean, he isn’t DEFINITELY out of the game if he loses. Usually Probst hedges his commentary a bit. Troyzan just misses a winning shot and Tarzan connects. Both are one shot from winning. Troyzan shoots and…TROYZAN WINS IMMUNITY!

Troyzan taunts the losers, “YES, YES, YES, YES! DON’T F WITH ME!

Kat says, “That’s like 9 people on the jury you just lost.” Oh, sweet little blonde head-brain, it’s only 8 people. But, we know what you meant!

And Sabrina says, “You just bought one round, that’s it.”

Troyzan announces, “I’m gonna continue like that. I’m competitive.” And PS, he’s only been giving 50% up until now, and so if you wanna keep scramblin’, let’s go, let’s do this thing! Because now it is most definitely on. Like Donkey Kong AND Azerbaijan AND all the way till the break of dawn!

 The interesting thing is that while Kat, Chelsea and Sabrina are all engaging Troyzan and telling him to shut up and how he is losing any chance of getting jury votes, and how he’s a doody head, etc. but not Kim. Nope. Smart, keep your mouth shut, don’t offend anyone Kim just sits there smiling. Why piss off Troyzan? If he loses, he’s gotta vote for someone to win, and Kim is giving him no reason to not write her name down for the million. Smart. Kim is a gamer.

Back at the camp Tarzan turns to Troyzan and says, “May I say something? You need to know, I like you, but, please, if you win, be noble! It’s looks bad!”

Thanks, Jedi Master.

Kim calls in chief deputy Chelsea, “Thoughts, Kemosabe?” “Huh?” “Thoughts…?”  and they powwow over whack’em coconut about what to do. They think that taking a girl out will only create chaos and paranoia, even though they both feel that they could beat Leif in challenges over a girl. So they should spare the drama and it should be either Tarzan or Leif.

Then we cut to an odd and fairly lengthy (well, for the amount of talking the two of them normally do) scene of Tarzan and Leif talking about who is going to go.

Except the conversation is held while Tarzan washes Leif’s face. Over and over. Why Leif is unable to wash his own face is? Why when surrounded by an entire ocean and maybe some sand as an exfoliate and having a washcloth right there can Leif not, you know, just reach up and wash his OWN FACE?! And why does this just make me think of the times that my mom would like her thumb and then wipe something off my face? It’s all just, well, very odd and off-putting.  

Troyzan suggests to Leif that they get rid of either Kim, Kat, Chelsea or Sabrina. They’re just four people. He has the idol. And with him, Leif, Tarzan, Christina and Alicia they would be five. And five beats four every day in Survivor math.  “We can break up those four girls and then pick them off one by one.” Troyzan goes and tells Tarzan the same thing. And then Christina. And then Alicia. He’s pleading his case to everyone. Instead of being at the bottom of a six girl thing, then can be in a new power group. Alicia seems like she’s at least open to the idea. “Troy is on to something. Let’s say that its comes out that Troy is like this, you know, God of immunity challenges, you know, I’m gonna side with Troy. I’m no dummy. As long as it isn’t a puzzle challenge that it too hard or anything.  I need to be the first girl that he takes. It’s something I need to think about.”

We head off to Tribal and I really have no idea how it’s gonna go down…

Probst announces that at both the auction and the challenge today there was a lot of animosity and negative energy coming from Troyzan directed towards the woman. Again Chelsea and Sabrina go on the defensive and attack.

“In the last 48 hours I have seen you morph into a creature that I can’t identify,” Sabrina pontificates. “Because no matter how much you outwit, outlast outplay someone, you have to be somewhat likable.”

“You’re not my mother! You can’t tell me what I can and cannot do! I can’t do this. I can’t cheer for myself.”

Troyzan and Sabrina go at it and Jeff just sits back drinking it in. Sabrina then announces that she’s just “Speaking with truth and if you can’t handle the truth...”

Troyzan calls Sabrina out on being “Mrs. Truth” now “with the ultimate truth coming from Sabrina when she deceived me and lied to Jay and now she’s Mrs. Truth” when she’s been lying to people all along.

Troyzan announces that it’s time to join him tonight. He announces that he told them today that right now they have his vote and have him in immunity challenges. He puts his arms around Tarzan, Leif, Christina and Alicia. “You can go from being voted out tonight, Tarzan, voted out tonight, Leif, voted out tonight, to automatically guarantee yourself to be and five and they can do it RIGHT NOW if they would vote Kim out. That’s all it would take.”

Chelsea says that that what he’s promising them only helps them tonight, that all it takes if for him to lose one challenge. And I beat you on the last one. You ARE beatable!

Troyzan explains basic 5 to 4 math to Chelsea. “That’s not true. If we’re a group, if you get immunity, we vote Sabrina out, if Sabrina gets immunity we vote Kat out.”

“Yeah, but if YOU don’t get immunity we vote YOU out," Chelsea tries to one-up-brain him.

“That’s not true, cause it would be 5 against 4.” Sucka!

Kim then steps in to reign in control. No one knows where all of the alliances stand. That would be true if Christina and Alicia were at the bottom, but they’re not; it’s not true. Umm. OK…. Then who is at the bottom? Cause, uh, someone is. And it’s not you Kim…

Time to vote….We see Troyzan vote for Kim – “You’re a fantastic player and probably the best girl here” -- and Chelsea vote for Leif – “I think you’ve been really wishy-washy since day one and it makes everyone feel a little uneasy.”

 I’m a little surprised that Kim doesn’t play her idol when given the chance. Obviously, she feels totally rock solid in her girls. Jeff pulls the votes…Leif, Leif, Leif, Kim, Kim, Tarzan, Tarzan, Tarzan. One vote left…and 10th person voted out and the fourth member of the jury is…Leif!

“Well, Tarzan and Troyzan," Probst wraps up, "it would appear you have two options; win immunity or find a way in.”

Categories: April 2012, TV, Reviews

Post a Comment


Oops, you forgot something.


The words you entered did not match the given text. Please try again.

You must be a member to comment on this page. Sign In or Register