|Posted on August 24, 2010 at 1:24 PM|
The other day when describing the installation of a new Panasonic 65-inch 3DTV, I accidentally totally on purpose created a new term. Now, it’s not unusual for me to come up with little rhymes and songs for things. (Just ask Dana whose anatomy has had a starring role in many lyrical adaptations over these 15 years. Also, my I’ve created an incredibly commercial rap beat entitled “This one’s gots mo BASS! (Bass…Bass…Bass-Bass...” ) from a quote from my insane cable purchasing client.
And apparently the talent – like the Force -- runs strong in our family because Lauryn already shows a wonderful propensity for making up names for things. Three of my favorites are her imaginary friends Kopeka (sounds like the city in Kansas), Keenah Kina (rhymes with Tea-and-China) and Doba. ) But while describing the set I said that, “This is a new VT25 series TV that is supposed to be a visual journey to Tecca.” Now, before Darryl Wilkinson goes and steals this term, I figured I’d better get ahead of old Noah Webster and just tell you all about living in Tecca.
So, dearly beloved, we are gathered here 2-day 2 talk about this thing called Tecca. An electric word Tecca, it means Technology-Mecca and that’s a mighty cool thing. But I’m here 2 tell u; there’s something else. It’s a world of never ending free updates. Where you can always get on the Net, day or night.
In Tecca, Bill Gates and Steve Jobs are the best of friends. They get together and go bowling while drinking small-batch microbrews. They spend the day Twittering tech support and system advice and when they Friend you on Facebook, they *really* mean it. (Bill brews a mean cappuccino!) They have decided that PC and Mac is just bringing the world down more than the great Cola wars of the 80s and have just decided to go with WindOS.
In Tecca it has been decided that while Star Trek is cool and all, that Star Wars is really the way to go. (Oh, PS: Only the original trilogy and parts of Episode 3 are considered Star Wars...) In line with that, everyone is a Master Jedi. Except, of course, there are two Sith (one to hold the power and one to crave it.) And Darryl, we’ve got our eye on you…
In Tecca everyone either wears black turtlenecks or some snarky or retro T-shirt. Acceptable attire includes anything with a Justice League superhero, Star Wars related, “Save Ferris,” “Vote Pedro” or pretty much anything from Snorg Tees.
Electronics devices are powered by love and sunshine – just kidding. Except for the powered by sunshine bit. And it’s always sunny in Tecca. (Except for when you want to watch a movie then your Lutron shades automatically – and silently – slip down creating the perfect viewing environment.) And when you travel there is never a shortage of outlets. Everyone brings an extra adapter and there is never any Bogarting of power at the airport.
Every radio station is your favorite Pandora channel. And you have an unlimited number of skips per hour – and an amazing new replay feature! – except you never need to skip because only your favorite music plays. (Sidenote: Your favorite music is now the They Might Be Giants channel, with occasional forays into very angry Fiona Apple and sultry-moody John Mayer.)
In Tecca WiFi is everywhere and it is always free. Every corner of Tecca is enshrouded in a blanket of 5G. Radio signals are so powerful in Tecca that you would be worried about your organs cooking off inside of you. Except they don't; cause it's Tecca. Oh, and you can touch your new iPhone anywhere you want and you’ll never lose signal.
There IS an app for that. Whatever it is. And the app is free. And all apps are 5* rated.
There is no DRM in Tecca. You can download every book ever written and then easily share it with all of your friends…as many times as you like….simultaneously! And gone are the ironic names like Nook and Kindle. In Tecca, things are given names that are easily understood and germane to their function. Because nothing is protected, everyone rightfully pays for the content that they use and enjoy because they want to reward the artist for putting out good work and to encourage them to keep it up. Bit Torrenting is punishable by being forced to work in the battery recycling center...while wearing a Zune.
Physical media is a thing of the past, and Tecca is all future all the time. When you purchase something you download the liner notes to your iPad (version 3 with EVERY upgrade you can think of including 2 that you can't!) and then the 0s and 1s live in a digital vault somewhere (probably in Bill Gates’ bunker) where you can access it instantly from anywhere! Once a year there is a sculpture contest in all the parks where artists display their creations using all of the extra polycarbonate plastic and resin lying around from unneeded CDs and DVDs.
The official town greeter is Elyse Porterfield (aka HOPA Jenny). She loves her job and she spends as much time as she wants on the Internet playing Farmville. Though she prefers reading my blog to Tech Crunch. (Hey, it’s Tecca…we can all dream!)